Faces, 2010
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I was concluding a presentation on the dynamics of intercultural trust when a hand raised at the back, and the person asked, “How can we identify who to trust in different cultures?”
Now, my answer was too theoretical, and I felt it was unsatisfactory. Reflecting on the event, I realized I should have illustrated it with my own difficulty as a student in Cambridge, where I had two thesis supervisors. One was an Indian of Tamil origin, and the other a white English Caucasian.
One might say that, given my education, I would have less difficulty understanding the Englishman than the Tamil. Far from it. The Tamil was a mathematically-oriented economist, eccentric but very warm, expressive, gesticulating when he spoke, never failing to look me in the eye. With him, I always knew whether I was on the right track or losing it. With the Englishman, it was the opposite. When commenting on my work, the Englishman, between one “hmm” and another “hmm,” would look anywhere but at me. Over time, I decoded the meaning of the tone and length of his “hmms,” but I could never quite feel exactly where I stood. He was never harsh, unlike the tutor who received me at my College when I arrived in Cambridge. After finishing the instructions to guide my stay, the tutor told me that during it, we would shake hands twice, the first time had already occurred upon entering his office. The second would be when I left it for the last time!
If I could answer that person from the conference again, I would say that among gregarious peoples, like the Tamil and Latin Americans and many others, looking into the eyes is essential to establish some trust. The gaze not only captures images, but italso conveys emotions. In their absence, we feel somewhat lost. There are other important criteria, such as the notion of space between people, gestures, tone of voice, willingness to smile. But all of them, including the willingness to look into the eyes, have cultural roots. That’s why the key to better understanding the other, creating trust as a bridge, lies in approaching each new interaction with an open mind, aware of our own biases and willing to learn new ways of building trust.
alfredobehrens@gmail.com